Day 2 of my Family Dinner Challenge
For dinner last night, I made tacos with ground turkey. Instead of using taco shells or tortillas, we wrapped the tacos in lettuce, which provides a nice crunch and makes the tacos a little lighter. I also made refried black beans (from the can) and made "salsa rice," which is simply white rice mixed with some salsa, black beans and little salt. Dinner was good, but it was over-shadowed by a dinner time side show...
The true challenge is proving to be getting Mariana to eat. Last night, as with the night before, I prepped her a few minutes before dinner by reminding her that she needed to try one bite of what I made. Well, this time, she didn't even make it to the table before the temper tantrum started. There were a few times when she calmed herself enough to ask for cheese (one of her favorite foods is shredded cheese), but when I told her she needed to eat one bite of beans first, the screaming and crying began again. I'm actually ashamed to admit that she screamed and carried on for close to an hour! Rene and I both did our very best to ignore the screaming and only talk to her when she was in a calmer state. I dug deep into my bag of strategies that I use with students that are having tantrums: stay calm, repeat the expectation, don't respond to undesired behaviors, and don't give in. Of course, when it's my own child, following all of those "rules" is very challenging. In the end, we held our ground, but Mariana held hers, too. She refused to eat a bite of beans, so she did not have dinner. She did drink some milk and since she had eaten well the rest of the day, I knew she wouldn't starve. But that didn't help with the guilt that went along with knowing that my almost 3 year old went to bed without eating dinner.
After she was in bed, I started questioning whether this is really worth it. What am I hoping to accomplish by demanding that she try a bite of something she doesn't want to eat? Is that the best way to get her explore new foods? Based on last night's episode, I would say not. Is engaging in a power struggle with my toddler really the best way to teach her to show respect for the cook? And, when she spends an hour screaming while Rene and I eat, isn't that defeating the purpose of family meal time? I realize that last night was only day 2 in my efforts to set a clear expectation of what she will eat during dinner. So, I will stick with it a little longer. But, I am open to any advice or insights any of you may have...
Just like leaving your baby in the crib to learn to go to sleep this is one of those things. Our two year old refused to eat for an hour too and she went to bed without dinner and it did feel pretty crappy BUT she hasn't had another hour long fit in about two weeks. She knows we expect her to try the foods and be polite because we held our ground. I say stick it out a bit longer but as you say "Whatever works for your family."
ReplyDeleteHmm. Toddlers need to know what the expectations are. Rules make children feel safe. Occasionally you can remove the child from the situation. If you feel safe doing so, you can move her to her room and let her know that when she's done screaming she can come back to the table.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you decide to do, stick to it or you are teaching your child that if she yells long enough and loud enough then you'll give in.
Giving in, even once, teaches that lesson.
I would suggest that you don't verbalize the expectation to try everything. Just put it on the plate and let her eat if she will before you put her favorites on the plate.
Also, if she's able to verbalize well, you can ask her about the situation. Ask her what she feels about it, acknowledge her feelings, let her know how it affects you and re-state the expectation.
For what its worth, I think you did the right thing.
None of us is a perfect parent.
I forgot to mention. Asking her about the situation should come at a later date. Outside of the heat of the moment.
DeleteI'm sorry J- that's so frustrating! About a month ago, I got so frustrated/ embarrassed (embarrassed more than frustrated!) with our dinnertime routine that I switched to "you have to eat what we're eating or wait until the next meal time" AND I stopped offering snacks. H didn't eat dinner for close to a week. It was horrible. However, after that 5th day or so, he caved. He now tries everything and every few days he eats his whole dinner. I made sure to still have his favorites for breakfast and lunch, so I didn't get consumed with dinner time guilt, but it was hands down, one of the more difficult tests I've had as a parent. I'm glad we did it though, it was worth it. Things are SO MUCH BETTER now. Also, it's not like your offering obscure foods or foods that have an 'acquired taste.' It's beans (or meatloaf, or chicken, etc). I think it's worth sticking to your guns and not feeling guilty about it. You're not asking too much.
ReplyDelete